XLI

Frédérique woke up and turned off the alarm. 8.00 . She stretched a little bit and tried to open her eyes but barely managed: they were still swollen. She sat back up and noticed she had fallen asleep in Richie’s clothes, Stranger in this town still playing on loop in the living room. She had to get rid of them today, so she took them off. They still smelled like freshly cleaned and she didn't have time to have them cleaned anyway, so she quickly folded them before putting them back in the box and closing it. On her way to the office she had it delivered to Richie’s apartment.

Gaby noticed Frédérique’s eyes and asked about it but Frédérique discarded her question. “I’m just tired and I want to go home, that’s all”, but couldn’t disguise her melancholic tone, and Gaby knew the reason, and that Frédérique wasn’t going to talk about it, so she didn’t push. Not even when Frédérique gave her a box containing the band and Richie’s CDs.

…

Richie woke up early on Monday morning - their flight was leaving at 10 a.m., so he had packed the night before. He packed for the next two weeks: he didn’t want to return to his apartment until the tour was over and hopefully he'd forget all about Frédérique in the meantime. Then he’d go back to California for the summer. In the guitar case he found a notebook with a bunch of songs he had written during the time he was with her and threw it in one of the desk drawers on his way out.

Before the show Jon and him took some time to catch up and Richie told him about his past week.

“What now?”, inquired Jon.

“Live, I guess”, Richie replied with resignation, and shrugged. “See what happens next”.

“Ya sure ‘bout this?”, Jon squeezed his friend’s shoulder reassuringly, but he was done intervening: Richie and Frédérique were beyond seeing reason and had both made the decision of moving on. Richie nodded and added: "What else can I do?".

A certain sadness for not being able to see Frédérique ever again was only a fleeting thought in Jon’s mind - he remembered his promise, and if he didn’t keep it, she’d be the one to make sure he did, no doubt about it. Maybe some time later he’d try to contact her, but for now he’d respect her decision and keep to his end of the deal.

…

In Bourdeaux, Frédérique and Emilie lay by the side of the pool, catching the sun. Frédérique was exhausted: no sooner had she set foot in France that she was already taking care of every detail of the wedding planning - both her brother and her future sister-in-law were completely clueless, stressed and on the verge of creating a disaster so she took over and in less than three days everything was pretty much arranged and running smoothly.

That Friday afternoon, however, she could barely stand on her feet: on top of her exhaustion she had gotten her period and as usual, due to her condition, felt more than just uncomfortable.

“What about the painkillers?” asked Emilie with concern.

“The side effects were worse, I dropped them a long time ago” replied Frédérique rolling her eyes, but couldn’t help a little wince from drawing on her face. “I just have to man up and handle it", she sighed, "It’s better than poisoning myself with that stuff”.

She and Emilie then made their usual catching up, which was shorter than previous times since they had seen each other in New York. Emilie couldn’t help but notice that Frédérique was less vivacious than her usual self, a cloud of sadness in her eyes. But it wasn’t just physical pain, and she hadn’t mentioned a word about Richie, so Emilie decided to push.

“What happened?” questioned Emilie casually with little precision in her question so Frédérique could elaborate from it. Maybe she had told Richie and he had ran away like all the others before him.

Of course, Frédérique tried to resist the subject at first almost as a reflex, but she was home, she felt relaxed - there were no boundaries, no walls, no self-defense mechanisms. She felt safe and comfortable, nothing to protect herself from. She paused for a few minutes, and remembered one of the band’s songs from their latest album, it spoke to her naturally.

I've been pushed around
Been knocked down
Lost a round or three
Life took a couple of things I loved
When I was too blind to see

Yes, maybe it was time to finally open up, purify, take everything out of her system. Maybe then she would be finally able to let it go and start again.

Frédérique started telling Emilie about what had happened with Richie, and after narrating the scene in the staircase, Emilie interrupted with a frown. It was definitely NOT like the others, this time it was different, in lots of ways.

“It doesn’t make sense”. She paused meaningfully and recapped. “Let’s start from the beginning: you fall in love again, only this time harder and deeper than ever, but you are the one to get scared, you run away and you shut him off". She let Frédérique nod her agreement, and proceeded. "Alright, we both agree that you had your legitimate fears and doubts and maybe it was too fast and you were overwhelmed by the, let's say... 'particular conditions', but in the end it was a mistake, and you admit to it" Frédérique shrugged but nodded again. "Then when you try to set things straight you find him kissing his friend, so what? You kiss your boy friends on the lips, too!”.

“Oh, believe me it wasn’t just a kiss on the lips" this time Frédérique chuckled throatily with sarcasm. "And if it was, then…why is he with her now?”, she asked flatly.

“How do you know? Have you talked to him? Have you seen him?”

“I didn’t need to,” – Frédérique shook her head – “Jon confirmed it”

Emilie paused for a few moments and shook her head silently before continuing. “No, it doesn’t make sense: if he was with her then why would he go to your apartment and try to get you back?”.

“Maybe because he’s a liar?” Frédérique replied sarcastically.

Emilie let out a puff of air and waited for a few moments. “I don’t know…what you had seemed like the real deal. Do you really think he’s a liar? You left him without a warning and closed all possible doors of communication, maybe he was hurting and he just turned to his friend. Not everybody can hide inside themselves and suck it up like you do". Frédérique recalled Jon’s words. “He says he’s OK but I know he isn’t”, but let Emilie finish. "He’s just human, Frédérique, cut the guy some slack”.

Emilie paused again and sat back up to add firmly: “Look, maybe there’s no way of turning this around, but you could start by taking responsibility for your mistake in the first place and offer him an explanation, don’t you think? What he does with it and if he decides to take responsibility for his actions or not, it’s up to him, but at least you will have done your part”. Emilie raised a questioning brow at Frédérique and waited for her answer.

Frédérique remained thoughtful for long moments. “Yes…maybe you’re right…”, she finally admitted calmly - it sounded reasonable and harmless, it was never her intention to hurt Richie - all the contrary - but if she had, at least she could make up for it by explaining her decision without interfering in his present relationship with Nikki. Yes, she owed him that, it felt like the right thing to do, no matter how difficult it may be to see him again and not being able to touch him and kiss him. If he was interested, of course - she couldn't expect him to be willing to talk to her now. Maybe when she went back to New York they could talk about it over coffee.

As she thought it through, she picked up her phone to get the call that was making it ring. Frédérique’s heart sunk: it was her brother Jean, Marie had been rushed to the hospital.